On my drive to work, I am listening to one of three things: A random podcast, my son’s children sing-along CD, or the radio. I’m not fancy enough to have a satellite radio and I’m on a shared data plan so Spotify or Pandora are out of the question. Mostly, I listen to the radio. In this moment, driving in my CR-V and listening to Kiss FM, I’m as basic as they come. I can’t help it. I’ve become accustomed to hearing the same songs over again on my barely diversified preset stations. And though I may sing along, I’ve made some disturbing observations about a particular set of songs and I’d like to share those observations here.
“Honey I’m Good”
This is the newest One Hit Wonder from singer/songwriter Andy Grammer that is incredibly catchy. Most people (women) like this song because it really sounds like this guy is one faithful dude. I mean, some leggy blonde is throwing herself at him at the bar but even though he has had a few drinks, he says “nah honey, I’m good” and goes home to his lady. How sweet, right? But take a look at the actual lyrics of the 1st verse:
It’s been a long night here, and a long night there
And these long long legs are damn near
everywhere
(hold up now)
You look good, I will not lie
But if you ask where I’m staying tonight
I gotta be like oh baby, no baby, you got me all wrong baby
My baby’s already got all of my love
Did you catch it?
if.
IF you ask where I’m staying tonight.
Not “when” or “since you obviously asked”, but IF. The entire premise of this song is a lie! This is not a guy who is bravely rejecting the advances of some floozy at the bar. This is a classic guy reaction when they think that just because a girl is giving him any attention whatsoever, they obviously want to go home with him. I would love to hear the girl’s version of this interaction. It would probably be a song called “Dude, you’re creeping me out.” Now I will forever associate this song with this clip.
“Cool for the Summer”
Ok, we get it Demi Lovato. You’re a woman now. You’re in your sexual prime. You and your bestie Selena Gomez have successfully completed your transformations from child stars to sex objects for sleazy men that pictured you that way since you were child stars. Good for you. But who EXACTLY is Demi singing about when she says “Don’t tell your mother” in this song??? How old is the guy that she’s singing to that him telling his mother is a legitimate concern??? “Son, show me on the doll where Demi Lovato touched you.” “EVERYWHERE, MOMMY!” Check out the full lyrics here.
Now that I read these over, this song is SO CLEARLY about statutory rape. First of all, no adult refers to Summer as a dating period of time. All adults know that summer is the same thing as every other season because we work all the time and seasons have no meaning anymore. The only people who refer to Summer are kids that are still in school. So the person she is singing to is, at best, still in college and at worst, still applying for college.
Exhibit B:
Even if they judge
F@$% it all
Do the time
I just wanna have some fun with you
Even if they judge? Do the time? Oh, you’re doing the time, lady. For sleeping with some underage kid! And yes, it is just as bad when an older woman violates an underage boy, despite how awesome the underage boy thinks it is.
Finally, she makes several references to a cherry and I don’t think I need to spell out exactly what the innuendo is there.
In conclusion, Demi Lovato is clearly raping young boys.
“Hello”
Ok. I know. It’s Adele. It’s perfect. She’s an angel with an angel voice. My mom cannot get enough of her. Once, in a fanatic fit about how great she was, my mom actually uttered the sentence “I mean, I just wish she was my daughter!” Not gonna lie, that one kind of stung, but my mom has a point. She’s amazing and her talent is second to none right now. But, c’mon Adele. Let’s move on, shall we? I mean, her whole last album was an homage to her ex-boyfriend that broke her heart. The best art can come from heartbreak and this could not be more evident than the massive success of this album. We all cried in the shower while singing Someone Like You or stared blankly out of the car window as we thought of the one that got away. It resonated with just about everyone. But then look at what happened to Adele because of the album. She became the biggest singer in the world, won every single award possible, started dating again and had a baby. Things got pretty good for Adele! So I was expecting her 1st single to be more about those things. I wanted songs about how she rebuilt her life and how she is one bad ass B. But no. Old, sad Adele rears her ugly head. And sure, she might be singing this song “from the other side” but we all know she’s still not over this guy. She even says that she ain’t done much healing. Really? The millions of dollars, the fame, the lover, the baby… none of that helped you to move on? Also,what was her new man thinking when he heard this song. I’d be like “uuuuuuuuhhhh, so, it’s still about that guy? Even now? I mean, we have a baby together.” So let’s put the past behind us, Adele. It’s time to move on.
Anything by Fetty Wap
This artist makes me realize that I am definitely not in my 20’s anymore and I am completely out of touch with youth. That name. His voice. I hate everything about it. And yet, people love it. I can’t even understand a word of it. I am officially the whitest and oldest person in the world.
Anything by (new) Justin Bieber
Even though it is impossible to picture him as anything but a 13 year old boy with a high pitched voice, I gotta hand it to him with this new record. I don’t immediately change the station when it’s on, and that’s saying something! But I realized that a huge reason that I like the song What Do You Mean is because it is essentially a depiction of me trying to understand my 2 year old son. When you nod your head yes but you wanna say no… when you want to go left but you turn to go right. So true. This is my life.
In conclusion, I am taking more Podcast recommendations (and don’t you dare say Serial. I’ve been listening to Serial since it was on TAL. Early adapter, baby! I ain’t no basic B!)
DailyDebs 