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The Bachelor Recap: Final Finale

Today, all of Bachelor Nation is that audience; watching this trainwreck unfold in front of us, sometimes with one eye closed, but all the while with full attention and ignoring our conscious, which is begging us to turn it off and return to the people we were before this disgusting distraction entered our lives.

The Bachelor Recap Ep. 9: Brown Chicken, Brown Cow

The ladies and Arie are in Peru for fantasy suite dates. Brown Chicken brown cow! (Say it out loud and it makes sense)

The Bachelor Recap Ep. 8: Fact or Fiction

So, I missed a LOT of this episode. In fact, I missed an entire hometown date. Lucky for you, I know this franchise so well that I’m just going to guess what happened and not tell you which parts I watched or which parts I missed. See if you can spot fact from fiction!

The Bachelor Recap Ep. 7: Under the Tuscan Sun

Everyone is excited but Jacqueline seems cautious. She says she is on the precipice of feeling real feelings for Arie or just going home. This is definitely the first time that word has been used in the entire franchise of the show.

The Bachelor Recap Ep. 6: Two Girls One Date

She says she feels like she was given a pony for Christmas, but is then told that if she doesn’t know how to ride the pony by the end of the night, it’s going to be shot.

The Bachelor Recap Ep. 5: Bowling for Arie Time

Cause, like, Bowling for Columbine but with Arie Time because it rhymes. GET IT?

The Bachelor Recap Ep. 4: Young and Wild

Did you guys know that when I was 22, I dated someone 10 years older? I tried to pay little attention to the age difference as possible, but it was hard to ignore that at bars, I was the only one who was getting carded and when he introduced me to his girl friends, theyContinue reading “The Bachelor Recap Ep. 4: Young and Wild”

The Bachelor Recap Ep. 3: Ring around the Roses

Happy 3rd week of January, everyone! How are we doing with our resolutions? Anyone off the wagon yet? Are we still going to the gym? Overall, I’m doing well, but if I’m honest, I strongly relate to some nameless contestant on the Bachelor, who opens this episode by saying she is “emotionally and physically drained.”Continue reading “The Bachelor Recap Ep. 3: Ring around the Roses”

The Bachelor Recap Ep. 2: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

What a difference a day can make. Sunday night felt like pre-November 2016. Women of Hollywood stood in solidarity, wearing black to show the unity against systemic sexism and assault. Oprah dominated her DNC Speech Cecil B DeMille award. Hope was in the air for the first time in over a year. It felt likeContinue reading “The Bachelor Recap Ep. 2: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back”