During the middle of the week, in the middle of the month of January, I stood nervously outside of my bosses door. I had a hastily written letter of resignation, which I could barely hold because my hands were shaking. I took a deep breath and walked in.
“Hey, ya have a minute?” I asked, in a vocal range on par with a 12-year-old.
“Sure! Come on in!” She replied, tilting her head.
I shut the door behind me.
“Oh no. You’re quitting, aren’t you?”
“YES!” I blurted out and immediately started crying. My entire vision of how this was going down was disappearing before my very eyes.
“It’ not you,” I said. “I love it here. Well, this job here, not here here. I’m not quitting YOU. I mean, I’m quitting this job but it’s just…”
“You’re moving to Austin,” she interrupted.
“Yes.” I took a deep breath and wiped my tears, then allowed a huge smile to creep onto my face. “I’m moving to Austin.”
That’s really the moment that started it all. I didn’t have to quit my job. I didn’t even have a job waiting for me when I got here. This confused my coworkers, who kept asking me what this “exciting new opportunity” was. I would say that I had some freelancing producing jobs lined up and was talking to a few networks but was really just going to check out the city and see how things went. I did everything I could to avoid saying what they were all thinking.
It’s for a boy. She’s moving for a boy.
A month later, I loaded up my Ford Taurus with whatever would fit inside and drove away from Dayton, Ohio and toward my new life in Texas. It was cold and a storm was coming through and it felt like I was driving away from the clouds as they rolled in. When the highway sign informed me that I was exiting the city limits, I actually cried. I felt stupid for a moment but then I allowed myself to express my emotions about this move. It was a life changing event and shouldn’t be taken lightly. But then I squealed. I actually squealed. I was really doing it and I couldn’t wait for my life to change.
Now, in what feels like a blink of an eye, I’m moving again. I’m turning around and driving back to a state that 9 years ago, I couldn’t wait to leave. There might be tears but there will be no squealing.
We have been talking about moving to Ohio for years, but in the same way you would talk about contributing more to your 401K plan or finally getting your carpets steam cleaned. It’s the responsible thing to do, but is it exciting? Kids changed things big time. Being that far away from family put things into perspective. Finally, my husband had the chance to either go to school in Texas or Ohio and… what is it that Oprah says? Luck is just preparation meets opportunity. Well, this was our opportunity. Aren’t we lucky?
Do I sound bitter? I know I sound bitter. I’m trying so hard to not sound bitter. This move is just hard for me. I feel like my boyfriend is breaking up with me. Even worse, I feel like I found the love of my life and then my dad got a job overseas and we have to move. It’s like how Sandy must have felt at the beginning of Grease after she met Danny but then learned she had to move back to Australia.
It’s like that, you guys. I love it here and I don’t want to leave.
I’ve had to come to terms with this over the past few months. In between buying and selling houses, looking for new jobs, and trying to explain to my Little Man what “moving” is, I’ve decided to say YES to life. Every night is an opportunity to try something new or enjoy something old. It’s made me realize why I fell in love in the first place. It has reminded me that I didn’t just move to Austin; I lived the shit out of this city.
I’ve South Austined, Town Laked, marathoned, serviced industried, Cap City Metroed, Broken Spoked, Breakfast Tacoed, Micheladaed, Dirty Sixthed, East Sided, Green Belted, Chicken Shit Bingoed, Ego’s Karaoked, SXSWed, ACLed, Fun Fun Funed, Moon Towered, crawfish boiled, brisket BBQed, UT tailgated, Start-Uped, and Ya’lled so hard.
I also married the love of my life, bought a house, created two tiny humans, and nourished the best friendships I’ve ever had in my life. THE best. I found my people here. I don’t need to explain myself or apologize for being “weird”. I just AM with them. I’ve found the funniest, most creative, smartest, most thoughtful humans in the world here. They are a family of friends. They are the classiest ladies of classiness.
This city made me who I am today. It was both the backdrop and the main plotline to my life over the past nine years. I’m stronger, funnier, more confident, and potentially better looking because I lived here. I’m a wife and a mother because I lived here. I’m happy because I lived here. It’s not just a big part of me. It’s probably the most interesting thing about me.
When I leave, I don’t actually get to drive back in the other direction. I’m flying out with my two boys while my husband, sister, and completely incompetent moving company drive our things back to the Mid-West. I don’t even get to see the city get smaller in the rearview mirror. I haven’t even taken the time to cry. I’ll just get to the airport, get on a plane, and fly away from my home and into a new one. It seems so abrupt and unfair.
When I first moved here, I never wanted people to think that I moved here for a boy, but the truth is that I did just that. I gave up my entire life in the hopes that a relationship would work out. Thankfully, it did. Now, I’m headed back to Ohio with that same hope under the same circumstances. No job. No plan. Just following my man.
This time I’m not afraid to say it. I am moving for a boy. Not just one, but three. And while it might feel like I’m breaking up with a rockstar and settling for the librarian, I know we’re doing the right thing. I’ll find a new part of myself in Ohio and maybe rediscover something I left behind.
In the meantime… send.breakfast.tacos.
DailyDebs 