Impostors

A funny thing happened at the Superbowl last night.

First, let me start by saying that I had no vested interest in the SuperBowl. I don’t even really watch the NFL. Though I’m a huge Michigan Football Fan for no good reason whatsoever, I don’t even really know a lot about Football. I try to throw in some comments like “he really should run the option” or “wow, what a defensive match-up!” but I have no idea what I’m talking about.

The thing that caught my attention last night actually had little to do with football at all. It was the last play of the game. Brady throws into the end zone to Gronkowski, who is surrounded by defenders. He doesn’t make the catch, but instead, the ball gets tipped into the air. Both teams scramble for it but it falls to the ground. The game is over and the Eagles have officially won.

That’s when I noticed it.

Once the score said FINAL and the outcome was clear, NBC cut to slow-motion shots of Eagles fans reacting to the last second win. But something was off. First, they showed the defenders on the field. They didn’t jump in the air and do backflips right away. They slowly and cautiously put their hands in the air, looking around at each other to make sure they actually won the game. We cut to Nike Foles, the quarterback. His hands are on his head, in disbelief. We cut to Bradley Cooper in his suite seat. He slowly stands up and looks around dumbfounded. The owner… Same face. A crowd watching in a bar in Philly- same delayed response… followed by immediate jubilation.

Why did this look different? Now, I understand that in the seconds following the incomplete pass, everyone was waiting for a penalty flag to be thrown, giving the Patriots one more chance. But I have a hard time believing that if the shoe were on the other foot, Patriots fans wouldn’t have immediately started celebrating. We’d see players IMMEDIATELY rush the field, not even waiting for a flag. Why? Because Patriots are used to winning. This is a learned behavior. Game after game and even Superbowl after Superbowl, they have learned how to react when they win a game, even in the final seconds. But the Eagles are not used to winning, especially not the SuperBowl. No one thought they would beat the Patriots in the SuperBowl. The players, coaches, owners, and Bradley Coopers had all been told over and over again “your team will never win the SuperBowl”. And yet, they did. And they couldn’t believe it.

That delayed reaction that everyone had and the accompanying look on their face is a look I know quite well. I recognized it immediately. Every person that took a second to allow this amazing accomplishment to sync in before they reacted probably had a tiny voice inside of them saying “I don’t deserve this”. Not “oh Heavenly Father, I am not worthy of such a blessing” but “I’m not supposed to be here, but I am here, so how do I reconcile that?” It’s tiny and it passes quickly but it is there. It’s the Impostor Syndrome and I’ve long suffered from this concept. There are very few accomplishments in my life that I feel I deserve. With any promotion, recognition or praise, the first thing I think of is “when are they going to realize that I didn’t really earn this?” IIt’sdumb. I know it’s dumb, ok? I can’t control it. It fades quickly and I move on, but it’s always there. And if I had been on the Eagles bench last night, I probably would have reacted the same way.

So, hold your heads up high, Eagles. You did earn this. You do deserve to be here. And as you race out into the street to throw another garbage bin into the air before undoubtedly lighting it on fire, remember that you earned the right to do that. You earned every right.